Sanderson Times presents…
Real Men of Genius…
Today we salute you…Mr. Horny Pick-up Line Artist Guy…
(Mr. Horny Pick-up Line Artist Guy!)
Traveling all over the Northeast, your wow women with great lines such as, “Can I buy you a drink?” “What perfume is that?” and of course, “Want to go back to your place for some hot sweaty lovin’?”
(Body of a Greek God!)
With a musk resembling cow dung, you draw ladies in with your manly hunkiness and your ever so witty charm. Charm, that can only be describes as…large!
(Oh yes its massive!)
Impressing women is no challenge for you, because you are a legendary athlete with the skills to match immortal athletes; not just on the playing field…but in the sack as well!
(He’s got magic bed sheets!)
You never shy away from the challenge of finding a young vixen…Blonde, brunette, red-head; it does not matter…Because you have the ultimate aphrodisiac…the gift of gab!
(He’s quite the wordsman!)
So crack open an ice cold one oh “Stalker of the Snatch”. Because wherever there are ladies around, there too will be you at the end of the night…to throw them into a snow bank…
(Mr. Horny Pick-up Line Artist Guy!)
Sanderson Times Inc. Boston, Massachusetts
Once you POP, you can't STOP!
Stamford Branch
Monday, January 19, 2009
Mr. Really Creepy Dude at the Bar Guy
Sander son Times presents…
Real Men of Genius…
Today we salute you…Mr. Really Creepy Dude at the Bar Guy…
(Mr. Really Creepy Dude at the Bar Guy!)
Having an uncanny ability to c-block friends from picking up would be conquests, you take the art to new heights, by showing girls your right index finger and saying “Hey! Bet this isn’t the only thing I have that’s 9 inches…
(What else could it be?!?!)
While most friends would live by the saying, “Bros before Hos”…You live by the saying, “My friend is talking to this girl, so I guess I should interrupt and completely ruin any chance anyone has of scoring with her!”
(No time to Muster!)
“What’s that?” you ask. You just bought a pretty girl and her friends jello shots? Forget that; let’s go to another bar even though you just wasted 26 dollars…
But honey, if you want to call me, I’ll be around…”
(No care for Stamford!)
A stud of all trades. You impress women with your ability to change juke box songs from long distances with your enormous “extremity”, all while drinking the cheapest beer you can find…
(I’ll have a Genny!)
So crack open an ice cold one oh “Creeper of the Coot”. Because while others have to work for their dates, you just steal yours when no one is looking…
(Mr. Really Creepy Dude at the Bar Guy!)
Sanderson Times Inc. Boston, Massachusetts
Once you POP, you can't STOP!
Stamford Branch
Real Men of Genius…
Today we salute you…Mr. Really Creepy Dude at the Bar Guy…
(Mr. Really Creepy Dude at the Bar Guy!)
Having an uncanny ability to c-block friends from picking up would be conquests, you take the art to new heights, by showing girls your right index finger and saying “Hey! Bet this isn’t the only thing I have that’s 9 inches…
(What else could it be?!?!)
While most friends would live by the saying, “Bros before Hos”…You live by the saying, “My friend is talking to this girl, so I guess I should interrupt and completely ruin any chance anyone has of scoring with her!”
(No time to Muster!)
“What’s that?” you ask. You just bought a pretty girl and her friends jello shots? Forget that; let’s go to another bar even though you just wasted 26 dollars…
But honey, if you want to call me, I’ll be around…”
(No care for Stamford!)
A stud of all trades. You impress women with your ability to change juke box songs from long distances with your enormous “extremity”, all while drinking the cheapest beer you can find…
(I’ll have a Genny!)
So crack open an ice cold one oh “Creeper of the Coot”. Because while others have to work for their dates, you just steal yours when no one is looking…
(Mr. Really Creepy Dude at the Bar Guy!)
Sanderson Times Inc. Boston, Massachusetts
Once you POP, you can't STOP!
Stamford Branch
WHAT'S BREW GOT TO DO WITH IT
WHAT’S BREW GOT TO DO WITH IT
(Sing to the tune of “What’s Love Got To Do With It”)
You must understand
Yashur loves to kegstand
Makes his pulse react
That it’s quite a nice thrill
Of drinking until
Getting’ laid in the sack
It’s physical
Only logical
You must try to drink more
Til you fall to the floor
[Chorus]
Oh what’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
What’s Brew, than a magical love potion
What’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
Yash needs a Brew
Cuz the drunk must be woken
Yash likes to drink Brew
And his friends being used
For their Genesee
He may tend to look dazed
He’s been drinking for days
Jack and Hennessee
There’s a name for it
He’s called an alcoholic
But whatever the reason
He’ll drink til thirty
[Chorus]
Oh what’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
What’s Brew, than a magical love potion
What’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
Yash needs a Brew
Cuz the drunk must be woken
He’s been drinking, can’t get an erection
Still he drinks all day
He’s been drinking, never needs his protection
Girls are better off this way
What’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
What’s Brew but a sweet old loving potion
What’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a cig when a cig is for smokin
Chief Staff Writer, Otis Terry Sanderson
(Sing to the tune of “What’s Love Got To Do With It”)
You must understand
Yashur loves to kegstand
Makes his pulse react
That it’s quite a nice thrill
Of drinking until
Getting’ laid in the sack
It’s physical
Only logical
You must try to drink more
Til you fall to the floor
[Chorus]
Oh what’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
What’s Brew, than a magical love potion
What’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
Yash needs a Brew
Cuz the drunk must be woken
Yash likes to drink Brew
And his friends being used
For their Genesee
He may tend to look dazed
He’s been drinking for days
Jack and Hennessee
There’s a name for it
He’s called an alcoholic
But whatever the reason
He’ll drink til thirty
[Chorus]
Oh what’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
What’s Brew, than a magical love potion
What’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
Yash needs a Brew
Cuz the drunk must be woken
He’s been drinking, can’t get an erection
Still he drinks all day
He’s been drinking, never needs his protection
Girls are better off this way
What’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
What’s Brew but a sweet old loving potion
What’s Brew got to do, got to do with it
Who needs a cig when a cig is for smokin
Chief Staff Writer, Otis Terry Sanderson
IDOL SOUP
Idol Soup: Your source for Idol gossip!
Associated Press
January 14, 2009
Last night the 2009 season of American Idol premiered on Fox with not only a new set of finalists, but also a new idol judge, singer Kara DioGuardi. Fans will be greeted with three weeks of auditions featuring tryouts held in East Rutherford, NJ, Jacksonville, FL, Kansas City, MO, Louisville, KY, Phoenix, AZ, Salt Lake City, UT, San Francisco, CA and San Juan, Puerto Rico.
From there the 2009 Idol season will continue as follows:
Top 36 Semi-Finalists Revealed Wednesday, February 11.
Voting Begins Tuesday, February 17.
Top 12 Singers Revealed After Judges’ Wild Card Round Thursday, March 5.
Top 12 Finalists Perform for First Time Tuesday, March 10.
As always the first show kicked off with a look back at last years winner and how "unsuccessful" he is now....sorry Dave Cook, hated you. On the otherhand, I'm not afraid to admit it, David Archuleta's (2nd place) song "Crush" gets me singing in the shower everytime....I dig it. Now, for the most important part of this review, let's look at who made an impression on me and what I think their future holds on idol.
First, and obviously, that bikini girl. For those of you who don't know, her name was Katrina Darrell, and was a 20 year old model from California. Let's face it, she was a dumpster whore.....Seacrest made the right move not to make out with her for publicity reasons and to prevent future makeout sessions with the less attractive females (I saw a lot of them). More importantly, he should not have made out with her because he probably would have gotten herpes of the mouth. WHAT KIND OF PERSON WEARS A BIKINI TO THE INTERVIEW, get over yourself honey....you had a flat ass and no boobs - I now know why you've attempted to switch careers from modeling to singing, oh wait, no I don't you suck at both! I can't wait to see what the whore wears in Hollywood and DEF. CAN'T WAIT til she get's tossed off. I am not sure what her future holds. She is tough, the guys like her because she looks descent, the girls hate her. They will probably snap out of reality in round 1 and realize she sucks and not move her on for the "joke". Even if they do, America is going to give her the boot immediately. Do me proud America! (I pray she doesn't pimp this article and get calls from modeling companies-I want her to fail miserably in everything she does)
Second, the blind guy. Unfortunately, he is going to get the pity vote. I thought he did ok, not great and we all know that you have to be great to make it on this show. I think pity helped push him onto Hollywood. As I am sure many others out there will agree, I remember seeing the legendary Chris Daughtry in his first audition and I knew that the kid had it. If I were the blind kid I would get some serious lessons in the meantime, because don't get me wrong, he has potential, but not enough true talent to get passed round 1. Unless ofcourse he pulls out a Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder impression, song - piano included. We all saw him playing the damn thing in his interview so it's possible! If he could pull that off, which I think he is more than capable of doing, then he will def. get the pity vote and move well into rounds two or three before getting the boot.
I liked the little mexicana girl who had bad hair, (long & black with serious bangs - we're not in the 90's anymore kid) 16 years old with kind of a cute face. She sounded like Corinne Bailey Rae at times so I like her odds if she continues to sing her tempo material. She needs def. work though. Her image should clear up in Hollywood. I like to assume those makeup artists will have a fieldday with her and have her looking stunning....look what they did with Carrie Underwood (natural beauty prior to hollywood, fashion model overnight) - Easy Patch.
I think my favorite girl, from what I saw, was the rocker chick with tatoos and pink hair in the beginning. I was about to change the channel, but gave her a chance. You remember her, "she was ditching her band." Can't wait til they find this out haha! She was a pretty good singer. I think she had a lot of range that left her with a repitriore of songs to choose from in later rounds. She has serious potential, probably not a winner, but from the talent I saw in Pheonix, AZ, I thought she did the best.
I know I missed a few auditions here and there, I don't really pay attention to the freaks who audition solely for William Hung fame, but all in all I did catch most of them.And that's your first recap of 2009 American Idol episode 1....let's see what we get tonight.
With love,
Rufus Feldmore
Associate Writer - Sanderson Times
Associated Press
January 14, 2009
Last night the 2009 season of American Idol premiered on Fox with not only a new set of finalists, but also a new idol judge, singer Kara DioGuardi. Fans will be greeted with three weeks of auditions featuring tryouts held in East Rutherford, NJ, Jacksonville, FL, Kansas City, MO, Louisville, KY, Phoenix, AZ, Salt Lake City, UT, San Francisco, CA and San Juan, Puerto Rico.
From there the 2009 Idol season will continue as follows:
Top 36 Semi-Finalists Revealed Wednesday, February 11.
Voting Begins Tuesday, February 17.
Top 12 Singers Revealed After Judges’ Wild Card Round Thursday, March 5.
Top 12 Finalists Perform for First Time Tuesday, March 10.
As always the first show kicked off with a look back at last years winner and how "unsuccessful" he is now....sorry Dave Cook, hated you. On the otherhand, I'm not afraid to admit it, David Archuleta's (2nd place) song "Crush" gets me singing in the shower everytime....I dig it. Now, for the most important part of this review, let's look at who made an impression on me and what I think their future holds on idol.
First, and obviously, that bikini girl. For those of you who don't know, her name was Katrina Darrell, and was a 20 year old model from California. Let's face it, she was a dumpster whore.....Seacrest made the right move not to make out with her for publicity reasons and to prevent future makeout sessions with the less attractive females (I saw a lot of them). More importantly, he should not have made out with her because he probably would have gotten herpes of the mouth. WHAT KIND OF PERSON WEARS A BIKINI TO THE INTERVIEW, get over yourself honey....you had a flat ass and no boobs - I now know why you've attempted to switch careers from modeling to singing, oh wait, no I don't you suck at both! I can't wait to see what the whore wears in Hollywood and DEF. CAN'T WAIT til she get's tossed off. I am not sure what her future holds. She is tough, the guys like her because she looks descent, the girls hate her. They will probably snap out of reality in round 1 and realize she sucks and not move her on for the "joke". Even if they do, America is going to give her the boot immediately. Do me proud America! (I pray she doesn't pimp this article and get calls from modeling companies-I want her to fail miserably in everything she does)
Second, the blind guy. Unfortunately, he is going to get the pity vote. I thought he did ok, not great and we all know that you have to be great to make it on this show. I think pity helped push him onto Hollywood. As I am sure many others out there will agree, I remember seeing the legendary Chris Daughtry in his first audition and I knew that the kid had it. If I were the blind kid I would get some serious lessons in the meantime, because don't get me wrong, he has potential, but not enough true talent to get passed round 1. Unless ofcourse he pulls out a Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder impression, song - piano included. We all saw him playing the damn thing in his interview so it's possible! If he could pull that off, which I think he is more than capable of doing, then he will def. get the pity vote and move well into rounds two or three before getting the boot.
I liked the little mexicana girl who had bad hair, (long & black with serious bangs - we're not in the 90's anymore kid) 16 years old with kind of a cute face. She sounded like Corinne Bailey Rae at times so I like her odds if she continues to sing her tempo material. She needs def. work though. Her image should clear up in Hollywood. I like to assume those makeup artists will have a fieldday with her and have her looking stunning....look what they did with Carrie Underwood (natural beauty prior to hollywood, fashion model overnight) - Easy Patch.
I think my favorite girl, from what I saw, was the rocker chick with tatoos and pink hair in the beginning. I was about to change the channel, but gave her a chance. You remember her, "she was ditching her band." Can't wait til they find this out haha! She was a pretty good singer. I think she had a lot of range that left her with a repitriore of songs to choose from in later rounds. She has serious potential, probably not a winner, but from the talent I saw in Pheonix, AZ, I thought she did the best.
I know I missed a few auditions here and there, I don't really pay attention to the freaks who audition solely for William Hung fame, but all in all I did catch most of them.And that's your first recap of 2009 American Idol episode 1....let's see what we get tonight.
With love,
Rufus Feldmore
Associate Writer - Sanderson Times
Mr Guy Who's Got Really Truthful Hips Guy
Sanderson Times presents…
Real Men of Genius…
Today we salute you…Mr. Guy Who’s Got Really Truthful Hips Guy…
(Mr. Guy Who’s Got Really Truthful Hips Guy!)
While many guys are out dancing to Akon and the Beastie Boys, you’re shaking your bod to Shakira. And we can tell you like her, and that’s okay. But how can we tell? Because your hips don’t lie.
(Not even a little fib!)
You push them in, you zing them out. You tuck your arms and bend your elbows, pretending to gently paw at your prey. Why? Because you’re a dinosaur.
(Yeah you do the Dino Dance!)
Are the women scared? A little. But that’s because you’re violently thrusting pelvis this way and that, all because your hips told you that it was the right thing to do, and they’re true to their word.
(Everyone likes an honest hip!)
The girls like how you get right up close. Why? Because when you get excited, they know it just as soon as you do, all because of that anti-lie detector in your trousers.
(You can’t get away with anything!)
So crack open an ice cold one oh “Truthful Teaser in the Trouser Man,” because no girl likes being lied to…and they especially like when you tell the truth behind their back.
(Mr. Guy Who’s Got Really Truthful Hips Guy)
Sanderson Times Inc, Plattsburgh , New York
Gratefully yours, his, hers, mine, theirs, and ours,
Chief Staff Writer, Otis Terry Sanderson
Real Men of Genius…
Today we salute you…Mr. Guy Who’s Got Really Truthful Hips Guy…
(Mr. Guy Who’s Got Really Truthful Hips Guy!)
While many guys are out dancing to Akon and the Beastie Boys, you’re shaking your bod to Shakira. And we can tell you like her, and that’s okay. But how can we tell? Because your hips don’t lie.
(Not even a little fib!)
You push them in, you zing them out. You tuck your arms and bend your elbows, pretending to gently paw at your prey. Why? Because you’re a dinosaur.
(Yeah you do the Dino Dance!)
Are the women scared? A little. But that’s because you’re violently thrusting pelvis this way and that, all because your hips told you that it was the right thing to do, and they’re true to their word.
(Everyone likes an honest hip!)
The girls like how you get right up close. Why? Because when you get excited, they know it just as soon as you do, all because of that anti-lie detector in your trousers.
(You can’t get away with anything!)
So crack open an ice cold one oh “Truthful Teaser in the Trouser Man,” because no girl likes being lied to…and they especially like when you tell the truth behind their back.
(Mr. Guy Who’s Got Really Truthful Hips Guy)
Sanderson Times Inc, Plattsburgh , New York
Gratefully yours, his, hers, mine, theirs, and ours,
Chief Staff Writer, Otis Terry Sanderson
Ms. When in Doubt Throw the Fist Pump
Sanderson Times presents…
Real Women of Genius…
Today we salute you…Ms. When in Doubt Throw the Fist Pump…
(Ms. When in Doubt Throw the Fist Pump!)
Promoting the notion that men are not the only ones who can be inventors of great things, you communicate your love of all attractions around you with what else…a closed fist…going up and down
(That’s what she said!)
Classical, jazz, rock, rap, or even the infused reggaeton of one Beenie Man, you announce to the world in one motion, “I am fired up, and you better not be taller than me, or you’re going to get hurt.”
(You gave me a black eye!)
Appearing innocent and cute is just a cover for those around you. For when it’s time for muster practice, you unleash all encompassing rage in a motion not unkind to the greats of today…Like Tiger Woods…
(He’s likes to fist pump too!)
Boozing in the corner with a Red Stripe in tow, your free hand sends a clear and boisterous message. “This is my party, and I’ll throw haymakers if I want to.”
(Look out Mike Tyson!)
So crack open an ice cold brewski oh “Princess of the Punch”. Because while hips and buns say, “Let’s dance” your move says, “Stay clear of me by at least 5 feet.”
(Ms. When in Doubt Throw the Fist Pump!)
Sanderson Times Inc. Boston, Massachusetts
Once you POP, you can't STOP!
Stamford Branch
Real Women of Genius…
Today we salute you…Ms. When in Doubt Throw the Fist Pump…
(Ms. When in Doubt Throw the Fist Pump!)
Promoting the notion that men are not the only ones who can be inventors of great things, you communicate your love of all attractions around you with what else…a closed fist…going up and down
(That’s what she said!)
Classical, jazz, rock, rap, or even the infused reggaeton of one Beenie Man, you announce to the world in one motion, “I am fired up, and you better not be taller than me, or you’re going to get hurt.”
(You gave me a black eye!)
Appearing innocent and cute is just a cover for those around you. For when it’s time for muster practice, you unleash all encompassing rage in a motion not unkind to the greats of today…Like Tiger Woods…
(He’s likes to fist pump too!)
Boozing in the corner with a Red Stripe in tow, your free hand sends a clear and boisterous message. “This is my party, and I’ll throw haymakers if I want to.”
(Look out Mike Tyson!)
So crack open an ice cold brewski oh “Princess of the Punch”. Because while hips and buns say, “Let’s dance” your move says, “Stay clear of me by at least 5 feet.”
(Ms. When in Doubt Throw the Fist Pump!)
Sanderson Times Inc. Boston, Massachusetts
Once you POP, you can't STOP!
Stamford Branch
NO GLOVE
Sanderson Sing-alongs
“NO GLOVE” (Sung to “Your Love” by the Outfield)
Writes on a vacation far away,
You all know we won’t be sober.
So many girls that wanna play,
Otis T. says “Can’t we find some younger?”
Cuz’ I don’t use no latex glove at NIIIGHT,
Stamford told me sometimes cans work rightttt.
Ain’t got many chicks left to talk to,
When creepy Luth comes they take cover.
You know he’d love to put that finger in you,
With his arm around her, she’s in trouble.
Cuz’ I don’t use no latex glove at NIGGGHT, (Wooooaaah!)
Carrie is so cute, I bet she’s tight.
GUITAR SOLO (RUG CUTTING TIME)
Yashur’s hands are really shakin’,
Somethin in his body not makin’ sense,
It’s been a while since he’s had a drink,
Quick, two shots to get him dancin’!
Rufus if your busy close the door,
While you put it to that woman.
Just cuz’ you’re the stud with the busy dong,
I don’t wanna hear it all night long.
You know he wont use no glove TONIGHHHHT,
He knows now to treat his ladies riiiight. (YEEEEEEAAAH!)
Yea I don’t wanna use no glove tonight,
If you get pregnant, down the stairs, a FLIIIGHT…
Cuz’ I don’t use no latex glove at NIIIIGHT,
Unless your name is Pecore then I might…
USE NO GLOOVEEEEE…
USE NO GLOVVVVVEEE…
YEEAAAAAHHH
USE NO GLOOVVVVE…
I DON”T WANNA…
I DON’T WANNA…
USE NO GLOVVVVEE….
USE NO GLOVVVEEE TONIGHT…
(repeat until the end)
Be my lover,
Yashur al Faqur
“NO GLOVE” (Sung to “Your Love” by the Outfield)
Writes on a vacation far away,
You all know we won’t be sober.
So many girls that wanna play,
Otis T. says “Can’t we find some younger?”
Cuz’ I don’t use no latex glove at NIIIGHT,
Stamford told me sometimes cans work rightttt.
Ain’t got many chicks left to talk to,
When creepy Luth comes they take cover.
You know he’d love to put that finger in you,
With his arm around her, she’s in trouble.
Cuz’ I don’t use no latex glove at NIGGGHT, (Wooooaaah!)
Carrie is so cute, I bet she’s tight.
GUITAR SOLO (RUG CUTTING TIME)
Yashur’s hands are really shakin’,
Somethin in his body not makin’ sense,
It’s been a while since he’s had a drink,
Quick, two shots to get him dancin’!
Rufus if your busy close the door,
While you put it to that woman.
Just cuz’ you’re the stud with the busy dong,
I don’t wanna hear it all night long.
You know he wont use no glove TONIGHHHHT,
He knows now to treat his ladies riiiight. (YEEEEEEAAAH!)
Yea I don’t wanna use no glove tonight,
If you get pregnant, down the stairs, a FLIIIGHT…
Cuz’ I don’t use no latex glove at NIIIIGHT,
Unless your name is Pecore then I might…
USE NO GLOOVEEEEE…
USE NO GLOVVVVVEEE…
YEEAAAAAHHH
USE NO GLOOVVVVE…
I DON”T WANNA…
I DON’T WANNA…
USE NO GLOVVVVEE….
USE NO GLOVVVEEE TONIGHT…
(repeat until the end)
Be my lover,
Yashur al Faqur
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)