A toy scooter. A new hockey stick. A new baseball glove. A new GI-Joe. A new basketball. A new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. The new Hanson CD. All little boys and girls hope for new gifts come Christmas time. Some get what they want, some don’t. Some get surprises, some receive things they already know about. For one little boy, his surprise came on Christmas Eve.
“My Christmas gift was a razor and shaving cream,” exclaimed 12 year old Stamford Branch. “All of my friends got toy cars and video games, and I got this,” he said, obviously angry with Deacon Bushey. “You’d think my father, being so close to God and everything could have done a little better.”
“I got a glove!” Yelled excited Otis Sanderson, unable to keep his excitement hidden, “It’s every 13 year old boy’s dream to get a new glove and baseball for Christmas!” he screamed as if he had just won a Special Olympics Gold Medal. When asked if Christmas was his favorite part of being 13, Otis replied, “It’s my 2nd favorite. My favorite part about being 13 is that the girls are SO flat! I love it! I hope they never hit puberty!”
A disgusted Rufus Feldmore grabbed our attention, as all of the little girls Otis Sanderson was talking about were all around Feldmore, like Barbie on Ken. “What can I say, I got ALL of these gifts for Christmas,” explained a pre-pubescent Feldmore, “and my parents gave me condoms, which I had to return to the store because I already have the XL-Value-Pack,” he said with a wink.
When we talked with Yashur al Faqur, he explained to us how his favorite gift for Christmas was the shot glass his father bought him. “Yeah, it’s pretty awesome! My dad got me this and my mom got me a bottle of Jack to get me through Christmas Eve Mass, then another bottle for Christmas Day!” When this was brought to our attention, we immediately alerted the authorities and had Yashur taken to social services while his parents were taken into custody. “Who cares if I give my 11 year old son alcohol? I started at 9! I was pounding a 12 pack alone at 10!” Screamed Barry Norton while being cuffed.
Another boy’s dream came true on Christmas Eve. He was arriving at the airport to go home for the Holidays. Although he was 13 he was able to travel alone. Who was there, waiting at 3 in the morning but Santa Clause himself?! “OH MY GOD!” yelled little Luther Brewster, pointing at Santa as he stepped off the plane and nearly touching Santa’s nose with his index finger (even though Santa was all the way at the baggage claim area). “It’s really him!!! I can’t believe it!!” exclaimed the little Brewster boy! “This is the best Christmas EVER!”
There it is. There’s the love story that never gets old. The love for Santa from little children. It’s unconditional. Also, there’s nothing like kids getting together in the spirit of Christmas to get one of their friend’s a gift. They pooled together to help out their friend, Randy Lozier.
While the 11,12, and 13 year old boys were getting their gifts, Randy was graduating college and earning his reffing license. The boys put their money together and gave him something that’ll benefit his profession in reffing.
They got him a new glass eye.
Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong,
Chief Staff Writer,
Carrie Oakey
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