Late Twas The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas and all Plattsburgh was thinking
Where is Yashur al Faqur? He must be out drinking.
The barkeeps were happy, their best drinker was there,
And a white Christmas to come, snowflakes in the air.

A lucky girl was nestled, all snug in her bed,
With visions of Rufus Feldmore mustering in her head.
She lay sound asleep, dreaming of the stud,
Then all of a sudden, she hears a big thud.

When up on the roof, a loud noise, a loud boom,
It was Rufus Feldmore crawling down the chimney to sneak into her room.
Her parents go outside, and look to the roof,
Wow! Feldmore played them, made them look like a goof.

For he climbed in her bed, got under the covers,
They made magic right there, like sinners, like lovers.
Her dad heard noise inside, he heard his daughter scream,
It lasted for a minute, while he made the young girl cream.

Her dad rushed in, to see if she was okay,
All cozy in her bed, all quiet she lay.
He closed her door, and let his girl sleep,
While Feldmore snuck out the window, no noise, no peep.

He went to the bar to meet up with the crew,
There was Yashur, Stamford, Carrie, Otis, and Luther Brew.
The latter ones were drinking, so he drank with those four,
While Yashur lay passed out, face down on the floor.

Patch hopped on a table, vacuum in hand,
And sounded louder than speakers, better than a band.
His voice carried over the anxious crowd,
Everyone listened and they whoa’ed and they wow’ed.

Oakey was thirsty, he needed a beer,
Luther said, “Stay seated, I can reach it from here.”
He stuck out his hand, his finger extended,
Tapped the barkeep on the shoulder, around the corner it bended.

“Three Coors Lights and a Red Stripe” he requested,
Coach Vern brought them over, as Yashur was getting arrested.
They rushed to the window, saw Yashur getting stuffed,
Into the cop car, his hands were handcuffed.

They ran outside, Carrie Oakey yelled “Wait,”
But unfortunately for them, it wasn’t too late.
The cop turned around, his eyes aglow,
For five young men had open containers to show.

He shoved four in the back to squeeze with the drunk one,
While Otis Sands quickly and excitedly yelled “Shotgun!”
It was a night these six would never forget,
Until another cop showed up…it was Gary Duquette!

He was just in time, he saved the day,
For these studs were straight. They wouldn’t have it any other way.
He said, “You’re safe. Now go straight to your houses, don’t wander, don’t roam.”
Luther looked to the sky, pointed his finger, and said, “Luther Brewster, phone home!”

Chief Staff Writer, Otis Terry Sanderson