Albany, NY: It’s every college guy’s dream to go out and get tanked on a Friday night and bring home a lady. It’s every man’s dream to walk down the street and have the ladies stare at him, watching his every move. It’s every little boy’s dream to grow up to be Rufus Feldmore.
“I’ve seen it! It’s unbelievable!” cries long time friend, Carrie Oakey. “It’s like magic. He drops a pick up line, and the next thing you know, she’s dropping her drawers.” What makes Feldmore so special is that he doesn’t go out on a Friday night to hunt. He IS the prey. And the ladies are the predators. “As soon as he steps into a bar, all the other guys get up and leave,” explains Oakey. “They’ve seen it happen before. They realize that they have no chance if he’s around.”
“It’s not just your typical lonely, so-so girls that he gets though,” says fellow Brew-mate, Otis Sanderson. “These girls are tens. These are the girls that other girls hate, simply because they can’t compete with them. Some of the girls I’ve seen Feldmore with can’t even speak English. But he still reels them in some how,” Sanderson says, shaking his head in amazement.
“Babes!” cries an excited Luther Brewster. “And let me tell you something…these girls drink a lot of milk. A LOT OF MILK! I mean, I don’t even know what half of his girls look like because I can’t take my eyes off of the body. The curves on some of his women…wow! Nice hourglass shape, beautiful hair, nice tight deuce…I tell you, the kid is incredible. I don’t know how he does it, but I have to applaud him.”
“It gets a little annoying,” says a modest Rufus Feldmore, the man himself. “I mean, I go out to have a good time and have a few Brews with my buddies, and all of a sudden, I’m swarmed with ladies and I can’t even talk to my boys.” Yeah, we feel bad for you buddy. Most people dream of Feldmore’s misfortunes. Yashur al Faqur adds, “I don’t even care about the girls. I just like to get wasted! I just like to back it up on them, hoping they’ll buy me drinks.”
Though most people admire him, and many envy his fortunes, one particular friend selfishly uses him. “I like to walk next to him and hang out with him, cuz then the girls are always looking my way,” explains Stamford Branch.
Yes Stamford, they are looking in your direction. But it’s because they can’t take their eyes off Rufus Feldmore, pimp of the year.
Contributing Writer, Otis Terry Sanderson
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