FAQUR HEARS A HOO

Plattsburgh, NY: There are such a variety of world records out there that some of them are disturbing. For instance, the guy with the longest fingernails…disgusting. The guy who can squirt milk the out of his eye the longest distance…gross. The guy with the most piercing on his entire body…looks like an ephing pin cushion. And then there are some highly impressive, clean, well trimmed records. And two of them belong to the Norton family.

Yashur al Faqur has never in his life seen his father without a beard. "That damn thing is older than I am," jokes a laughing Faqur, but he is dead serious. "It's not one of those scraggily, haggard, hard and crusty beards either," contributes long time friend of the Faqur's, Carrie Oakey. "It's very well groomed, well kept, and I can't think of a better man to present such a wonderful, natural trophy of beauty."

"I used to play Little League against the brothers Faqur, and I still remember one play where I was at shortstop, and I didn't even get the grounder hit to me because I couldn't take my eyes off of the beard," recalls Otis Sanderson. "Back then, I didn't see too many beards, so seeing one of this caliber was beyond my belief!" Faqur's beard is, and always has been, very well kept. It's not one of those ones that covers the full neck the whole way around the head, looking like it could be a helmet. It's very neatly trimmed. Even back in 1996, Barry Norton claimed "'Beard of the 'Burgh," a title he still holds to this day, and has ever since.

And then there's Matt Norton. "Nicest lip raccoon ever!" exclaims Luther Brewster. "Hands down. When I first saw that thing, I thought 'he has to be a molester.' Then I got a closer look. I was wrong. It's not sparse enough to be the 'stache of a molester. That thing is nice, it's thick, and it covers the whole lip, but doesn't extend too far out. Well done Matt Norton, well done." Norton first grew his 'stache as part of an act for Halloween. It got such a good response that he's often times re-grown it, each time coming in fuller and thicker than the previous. "He must be able to create a beautiful milk mustache," says Rufus Feldmore, very excitedly. "Sometimes I think about ways in which I could get him to carefully trim off just a thin layer of lip to hold the hairs together so I can place it on my upper lip," says Feldmore, obviously disturbed in the head. "If he could manage that, he could see it on Ebay! He could just keep growing them, cutting them, and selling them, and he'd make a fortune!" In response to this recent comment, brother Yashur anxiously replies, "Yeah, he should! Then he can sell them for Brew money!"

“Hell yeah!” cried out an excited Stamford Branch when asked if he’d be interested in purchasing an authentic Matt Norton Lip ‘Coon. I’d probably buy six or seven!

While Papa Norton and Matty Norton grow pieces of history, Yasur will some day be in the same book…probably for some record involving drinking.

Contributing Writer, Otis Terry Sanderson