LIONS, TIGERS, AND BEARS, OH MY!

Intercourse, Pennsylvania: (it's a real city, google it)

When we're young, we all want to be our favorite animal. When I was a child, I wanted to be a sloth, simply because they lived a life of lavish laziness. Randy Lozier wanted to be a baboon. Brian Boitano wanted to be a flamingo (very fitting), while the likes of Michael Phelps wanted to be a fish (go figure). Others turn out to be the complete opposite of what they want to be.

"I'm an Italian Stallion," smirks the arrogant Rufus Feldmore, "the ladies love a workhorse in bed, don't they babe?" He says with a wink and a smile, casually trying to seduce me for fornication.

"Feldmore's so sweet, he definitely is stallion! The ladies love him!" Exclaims the squirrel-like Otis Sanderson, "I'm not sure what I am, but I know my brother Luther is definitely a hyena! He's always laughing and making others laugh too!"

"Hyena huh?" Says long-time friend Luther Brewster, "Well you're a kangaroo because you love to hop and dance around!" Cackles Luther, in his hyena-like screech. "No no no no! You're definitely a llama, a stupid llama!" Luther yells, guffawing some more. "You're special just like they are, always with a confused look on their face as if they have no idea what's going on!" Luther screams, finally on the ground, smitten with hilarity and tears in his eyes.

"What the eph? At least I know that the first thing to break the sound barrier was the WHHHHIP," says the llama-faced Otis in rebuttle.

"Fuqur is definitely a camel!" Says the baby-lion-cub-like Carrie Oakey, "He drinks more than anyone I know and stores liquid in him forever! I've seen him drunk for 3 days straight before, and only a camel can retain liquid like that!"

We tried to reach Yashur for his feelings on the matter, but he angrily hid his head like a turtle (yes sir), very fittingly, and took a shot of Jack Daniels.

"What's Patch?" asked Feldmore, as he tried to slide his hand on my knee.

"Definitely an aye-aye!" wails Oakey, unkempt with mirth.

"Yeah, he's an aye-aye or Golem from Lord of the Rings," Says the hippo-clone Jordan Maille.

"I'm like a butterfly," interrupts Ali Pellerin, doing anything possible to be included and be in the spotlight, "I'm cute, pretty, and people like me."

"You're more like a bee," says the angry, disgruntled Stamford, "you're loud, always making noise, always in the way, and if I could, I'd swat you away."

As Pellerin frowned and stormed away, the boys began laughing at each other and reminiscing on the old times. Sure, we all want to be something when we're young, sometimes it works out for us, and sometimes we have to play with the cards we're dealt.

The boys all went home for the evening, except for Feldmore, he took this Carrie Oakey and sang it all night long.

For more information on Aye-Ayes, click here: http://oddanimals.com/unusualanimals/ayeaye.html

Associated Press Writer,
Carrie Oakey