NEW COUNTRY, NEW STANDARDS

Negril, Jamaica: It's common practice for spring breakers to look to hit, especially after a full day's worth of hardcore brewing. Many guy's top choices are the girls who are wild and crazy, who can out-drink them, and who are barely covered. For some guys, it's the simple fact that you're in a brand new country with new people that you'll never see again that entices you to grab whatever comes along first.

When asked if he noticed anything wrong with the girl that he took home the night before, Yahur al Faqur thought for a brief moment, then replied, "She could probably use a little more breast." When asked if that's all he noticed that was weird or different about her, he again simply replied, "Yeah, she was cool, I can't wait to see her again."

"What boggles my mind is that I don't know if he was just being naïve, if he was completely smashed, or if he was just trying to avoid the fact that his standards had slipped a little with each sip he took," comments sweet stateroom mate Otis Terry Sanderson. "I mean, if you were to ask me that same question about her, I wouldn't need that brief moment to think, and I would certainly come up with a more obvious answer."

"What the H – E- double hockeysticks was he thinking?" cries sweet Carrie Oakey. "I mean, Yahur's not a bad looking guy. He probably could have had seven or eight babes, but he settled for the first one who talked to him, despite imperfect physical features."

While walking to a club, a native of Negril stopped Yashur and his friends and had a nice friendly conversation with them. "I remember this guy calling Faqur "Yashur da snypa," because Yashur was always on the look out for ladies, as a sniper would be for his target," recalls Sanderson. "With a nickname like that, you've really gotta choose your prey better. A sniper is top-notch. A sniper wouldn't take advantage of an innocent victim. A sniper would go after the head honcho, like I did. I expected Yashur to go after prime snapper, but no, he just settled for cheap and easy," says Stamford "Patch" Branch.

After being informed of his friends' thoughts on the situation, Faqur rebutted with, "I don't know what Patch is talking about. At least my girl liked me." Yes Yashur, she did like you. And so did her cleft lip.

Associated Press Writer, Otis Terry Sanderson