BREWSTER TURNS 26

New York City, NY (AP): It was the same day the newspapers around the globe read, "Obama Wins Election." It was the day, exactly two years later, that Saddam Hussein was sentenced to death. It was the day, exactly 251 years later, that Frederick the Great defeated the allied armies of France and the Holy Roman Empire in the Seven Years' War. It was THE day that Luther Brewster completed his 26 trip around the sun.

Plattsburgh native and Manhattan resident Luther Brewster, well known for his sweet Brewing skills accompanied by a snazzy rendition of Grease's "Summer Nights," turned 26 years young at 1:44pm yesterday. When asked around 1:42 in the afternoon how it felt to be that old, he simply and calmly replied, "I'll tell you in two minutes." To many, a birthday is a really big deal. To Luther though, it was just an ordinary day. "No," he replied with a slight chuckle, "I didn't go out last night. I'm a mature working man now, I can't be living the life of the college student that I once was. However, come the weekend, I'll celebrate more than Mom and Dad did when they found out you were normal and didn't have mental problems," Brewster said hastily towards the annoying reported, his brother Otis. Apparently, Otis was thought of as "special," but after some tests, he turned out to be normal.

"Wow!" yelped Carrie Oakey. "Luther has 9490 yesterdays under his belt, and doesn't look a day over 23! I can't wait 'til I get that old," said a joyous, young, cute Oakey with a big bright smile upon his face. "I've known Luther for many days, (just under a year actually) and I've never been more proud. He's very ripe with maturity, and he certainly, again, does not look his age one bit!"

"I played Little League against him, and he was so much bigger and stronger and older," admits a somewhat jealous Yashur al Faqur. "I remember he played the same years as my big brother. And now, they even live in the same city, but my brother has a sick mustache to show his age, and Luther doesn't have anything to show his," jolts Faqur, implying that his brother is so much better than Luther. "But still, it's still very exciting that he just had a birthday 'cuz that means we get to drink!" exclaims the alcoholic side of Faqur, now pretending that he doesn't have beef with Brewster.

When asked how he felt the day he turned 26, Stamford Brank frustratedly replied, "Otis, you KNOW I'm younger than you! I'm only 25!"

And like Matthew Norton, Stamford has something to show his age too. A nice hole in his hair upon his dome.

Contributing Writer, Otis Terry Sanderson